I think my vagina is haunted
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
