well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
