Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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