I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
