we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
