he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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