seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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