drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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