I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she smelled like a LAN party
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
