i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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