She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
