we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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