I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize
