Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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