I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
