what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
