Got a toothbrush?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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