So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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