She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
