fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
