White coat. Heels.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Life is so much better after having sex.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
