SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You can't special order awesome
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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