Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
