oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
