i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
