Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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