in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
