Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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