it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
