Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
