sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
