Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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