Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
