when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
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Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
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He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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