Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize