fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Randomize
