finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize