they need to just BURY HIM!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
