I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
