Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I want her autograph on my taint
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
