Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
