Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.