Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.