I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
