so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.