Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
