I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
