I have demons in me.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
