Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
