I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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