These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
