And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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