So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
