so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is Oprah even human
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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