Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
