Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
