it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
