Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
