he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
