Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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