I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
porn star boner night. come get it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
