In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
