and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!