My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down