I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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