No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.