my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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