I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
