a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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