i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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