There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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