shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
