i just wanna soil my oats bro
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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